i'm moving on.

38. know when the time has come to leave the past behind and move on with your life.

"i'm moving on.

at last i can see, life has been patiently waiting for me.

and i know there's no guarantees, but i'm not alone.

there comes a time in everyone's life

when all you can see are the years passing by.

and i have made up my mind that those days are gone."

- rascal flatts, "i'm moving on"

i have realized that there comes a time in everyone's life where you just have to leave the past in the past. you have to learn to let go. you have to embrace the unknown, embrace the future, because there is nothing left for you in the past. it's hard to let go. i know this better than anyone.

"she carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets.

she should have let some go by now, but can't seem to drop it.

she says 'forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul

that never rolls.

for as much as she stumbles, she's running.

for as much as she runs, she's still here.

always hoping to find something quicker than heaven

to make the damage of her days disappear."

- eli young band, "guinevere"

sometimes the things that you have to let go of are small. people don't understand why it's so hard. my memory is too good. i look at the things scattered on my desk, and i don't see things. i see people. i see events. i see a time gone by. on my desk is a miniature minnesota twins batting helmet. it doesn't look like much, but i see a beautiful day in may, time spent with my family, memories captured on the memory card of a digital camera. i have two metal filers on my desk, and on one of them hangs a pair of harry potter 3d glasses. but i look at them and am transported to the weekend of my roommate's wedding, watching the film three times in theaters, and then wearing the glasses while i presented my poster on seminar day. on my bed, on top of my comforter, is a quilt that my grandma made me. it is sewn together out of some of my favorite tee-shirts. sometimes just looking at it brings tears to my eyes. it's my life on a canvas of cotton. i want to go back, but at the same time, i don't. i need to move on.

"someday we'll know if love can move a mountain.

someday we'll know why the sky is blue.

someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you.

someday we'll know why samson loved delilah.

one day, i'll go dancing on the moon.

someday you'll know that i was the one for you."

- jonathan swift and mandy moore, "someday we'll know"

moving on, for me, is about balancing letting go with holding tight. i can't forget all of the wonderful and awful things that have happened in my life, but i can't let them stop me either. sometimes, moving on is as simple as being happy that the ones you love are happy, even if you're not. sometimes it is letting go of toxic friendships, and rediscovering old ones. sometimes it is leaving a place that isn't right for you and starting again.

i know that moving on, for me, is right at this point in my life. it's not going to be easy. i'm going to hit walls, face frustrations, and probably hate it a good chunk of the time. but when you follow your heart, all of the pieces eventually fall into place. i believe this because i have faith in the plan that god has for me. and right now... he wants me to move on.

"don't let the night become the day.

don't take the darkness to the grave.

i know that pain is just a place,

and your will has been broken.

don't let the fear become the hate.

don't take the sadness to the grave.

i know a fight is on the way

when the sides have been chosen."

- needtobreathe, "keep your eyes open"

you can't take it with you.

37. possessions mean nothing in the long run.

i learned a valuable lesson today. you can't take anything with you when you go. possessions mean nothing.

how did i learn this, you ask?

i was in a car wreck this morning. i'm fine, i walked away with only a couple scrapes on my face from the airbag and some scratches on my hands. my car is no longer drivable. but here is the thing... it's ok. because i'm ok. i was laughing with the firefighters, cops, and emt's. my whole body was shaking in the emergency room, but i answered all of the questions that were needed, talked to police officers, nurses, and security guards. but i walked away. i am just fine. and while i have always known that possessions weren't the most important things in life, i have never felt it like i feel it now.

i don't need a fancy car. i don't need the newest technology or fashions. i just need the people who i care about to love me. i'm not a fan of the beatles. but what they say is true: all you need is love.

here is what i didn't realize about car wrecks. when you don't hit your head, you remember everything. i remember the moment i realized that the car was going to run the red light. i don't remember bracing myself, but i must have. i blinked, and i was no longer in the intersection. i remember my car flipping around. i remember jumping the median before hitting the break. i remember putting the car in park. i remember the pedestrian who saw the whole thing run over to my car and make sure i was all right. i remember opening my door and getting out, and then turning off my car as an afterthought. i stood up. i leaned against my car. i thought "i have to call my mom." and the rest is a blur.

but people say that you block out traumatic memories. that isn't always true. i remember everything.

that's almost worse.

my day was a little too eventful, and my night is now, hopefully, going to be calm. i'm watching hope hockey. i made some chili for the week. i'm trying to take it easy, because i know tomorrow is going to hurt.

one of my rules is to hug the people you love. i wish i was with them right now. i wish i could hug everyone. because if that car had been coming the other direction? if i had gotten hit on my driver's side? i wouldn't be writing this right now. and those thoughts terrify me more than anything.

"life is short, so let's go live it. ain't no time for wasting time. days like these, they go by way too fast. yeah, days like these, we want to make them last."

- jason aldean, "days like these"

love, love, love. all you need is love.

the rules of life

a friend of mine (shout out to dc, from the peaslee lab) posted one of the rules from the movie "zombieland" as his facebook status yesterday. this got me thinking. everyone should write the rules of their life, based on their experiences. i think it would be a great exercise in "living and learning," as they say. so i'm going to start a list. i figured that, as i think of them, i'll either add them to the end of the next post. ready for this?

amanda's rules of life

1. always keep food in your purse.

2. rock your identifier like it's nobody's business.

(lime green shoes. that is all.)

3. be weird. be you.

4. do not associate with people who don't respect you.

5. do not change your plans for a boy.

6. fight for what you want and what you love.

7. sing.

8. prove doubters wrong.

9. hypothetical violence is okay.

(read: throat punch.)

10. do not fall in love with your best friend.

11. sometimes you have to leave home before you realize you want to go back.

12. find friends who love you for who you are, and never let them go.

13. let your inner five-year-old shine.

14. do not make promises you know you cannot keep.

15. inside jokes keep friendships alive.

16. never burn bridges.

17. some people change.

18. follow your dreams and your heart.

19. do not feign interest in other people's lives.

(you will lose their respect when they realize you were only pretending to care.)

20. defend the people you love, no matter what.

21. do not change for anyone.

(the only people you should want in your life are the ones who love you for you.)

22. never believe stereotypes, gossip, or rumors.

23. if you want to know, ask. do not assume.

24. laugh so hard that your abs hurt as often as you can.

25. be grateful for what you have, and thank god for it every day.

26. hug the people you love.

27. be proud of your quirks.

(there is no one like you. remember it.)

28. make the best of bad situations.

29. have a creative outlet.

(write on.)

30. forgive.

31. do not live your life for happiness. live for fulfillment.

32. enjoy the little things.

(stolen from "zombieland.")

33. thank people.

34. love with all of your heart. always.

35. live in the present. the future will come soon enough.

36. have a bucket list, and cross things off!

well. this is certainly a good start. i'll add if i think of more rules that i live by. happy friday!