While I have actually become a bit attached to this place, I think I have become more attached to the people I have met here. So it is not at all that I have changed my mind and don't want to go home now. I have just come to the realization that I am no longer going to see some of my best friends on a daily basis anymore. I am never going to see my flatmates again, as they come from Finland, Malta, and Italy. I am not going to have to plan on when to get groceries depending on the weather conditions, because I won't have to walk over a mile carrying them. No more cobblestones, no more double decker buses, no more 11 am on Wednesday smoke detector checks. But it's ok. This chapter of my life may be closing, but the important thing is that it was written.
On a related note, I took my first Scottish final on Monday. Man, are they persnickety here. We have to leave our bags at the front of the room, and they don't let people into the testing rooms early. We can't leave our seats during the first or last half hour of the exam. And they grade everything anonymously, so you have to seal your name and stuff away from the graders. Weird. However, taking it calmed me down quite a bit about the two I still have left to take. It's not Hope, that's for sure. But it will do, I guess. Let's hope everything goes well!
I was thinking today (when I should have been absorbing information about the use of alternative medicine, or something like that...) that what I think I am most nervous about are the goodbyes. I hate goodbyes, especially if it's someone who has been an important part of my life. Goodbyes are messy, and I don't like messes. I wish I could be like Sheldon Cooper, and just leave a video message for my "three friends and one cherished acquaintance." Haha. But that is not how goodbyes work in our world. If I know that I'm going to see a person again soon, it's easier. But the people that I have met here? Aside from the other Hope girls, I don't know when I'm going to see them again. And I'm not a hugger, so I'm just awkward. Awkward all around. The only conclusion that I have come to in this conundrum is this: I'll just have to see everyone again. Because I'm bad at goodbyes, I'll just have to turn them all into "see you laters." There is no other way that I would be able to approach this. I heard a story not long ago about a person who didn't like using "adios" as goodbye in Spanish. Because the literal translation, "to God" or "with God," sounds like an ending. So they would alter the phrase, or use an "hasta luego" instead. That's what I'm going to have to do, but in English. Because this isn't an ending. It's just the beginning.
Ten days from right now I will be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, on my way to New York City to catch my connecting flight to Nashville. It seems so distant, but it's soon. And I think I'll be ready by that time. I'm ready to see Justin again, that's for sure. But I wish seeing him again didn't have to mean saying goodbye to everything here. I know it will be ok. Because my life with Justin truly is at its beginning. And, like he's been telling me all along, I'll be glad that I came here. And I am. I am glad.
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