when harry met hermione.

"you know that life ain't over yet. i'm here for you, so don't forget that you can count on me, and i will carry you until you carry on."
--> default, "count on me"

my mom has told me countless times that she truly believes life is like "when harry met sally." now, i've never actually seen that movie, so i don't know if i understand the entire premise. but it sounds to me like it's about the fact that men and women can't just be friends. that one of them always ends up feeling more. maybe that's true sometimes, but i don't think it's always the case. i have a different theory.

i think life and friendships can also be like "when harry met hermione." what does this mean? it means that i completely believe that some men and some women can just be friends. and this is the other kicker - i don't necessarily believe that that means they have to act like siblings. this is sort of difficult to explain. but my life has taught me this much - not all men and women have feelings for each other.

i know what you're probably thinking. what is this girl talking about? this blog is always about her feelings for someone. right? sadly, that has most often been the case. but it doesn't need to be that way. i just had a very tough weekend saying goodbye to my best friend as she married the perfect guy for her, and then i had to say goodbye to my sister until christmas. goodbyes are not my strong suit. so, in all of this, i have done a little soul searching, because i have a lot more goodbyes to come in the near future as i pack up my life and move to north carolina. this is what i have discovered.

friends in my life have come and go. it's a common theme with me, because i often love deeper than others. but there have been a few who have stuck with me through thick and thin. i have my close set of girlfriends from high school, and i know i'll always have them to go back to. but then i think about this: when i go home, there is only one friend who i always make sure i see, even if it's just for coffee, or breakfast, or something like that. but i always see him. notice i said him.

my neighbor was my best friend from the time we were three years old. i grew up with him. he knew me better than anyone until we entered high school. that's where things change, which is pretty standard. but now, we can always pick up where we left off, no matter how different we've become. it doesn't matter that i'm moving across the country, or that he's probably going to stay in our hometown his whole life. there is a platonic love that runs deep in both of our veins for each other. i'd be home in a heartbeat if he needed me. and i know he'd be here as soon as he could manage if i needed him.

having him as my best friend for so long really shaped who i've become. girl drama baffles me sometimes, because i didn't grow up with it. guys are comforting to me. i have learned to be a women among men, which isn't easy to do, i've been told. how do you hang out with guys without becoming one of the guys? you don't change yourself for them. you talk about baseball and hockey while you wear that pretty dress. you giggle at their jokes, but also tell them when they're being stupid. it's a balance.

i have been living in a strange dichotomy without even realizing it. i have always felt like i don't have any stand out features (despite the bravado i showed in my last post), that i was never more than just the friend. and then, one of my guy friends pointed something out to me, something i've never realized. i tell him the stories of my life, of the awkwardness that happens to me and my relationships with people. and he responded with this: you get hit on more than any other guy or girl i've ever known.

wait... what?

he laughed at me when i denied it. he has been one of the ones to hit on me, to express feelings that i didn't realize were happening on his end. (like i said, sometimes it is like "when harry met sally"...) it took me a while to understand that i was the picky one. i was choosing to stay single because the people hitting on me aren't people i'd want to spend a life with. he told me it was a personal choice. maybe it is. no, no, it definitely is.

these men that i spend my time with are sometimes people who i'd like to build a future with. girls always lament with the typical "a good man is hard to find." that is false. i am friends with a lot of men. and they are good men, great men, wonderful, caring, kind, funny, unique men. but they are taken. i would like to amend the lament: "a good single man is hard to find." but this is where i feel like i win. so many girls can't be friends with men if they don't have the chance of hooking up, or a relationship, or whatever. but i don't understand that. why can't things just stay platonic?

think about harry potter and hermione granger for a second. in seven books, was there ever any indication that they were going to hook up in the end? was there ever anything that suggested there was more to their relationship than what was written on the page? no. never. and you really should trust me, i've read those books many many times. i have always been jealous of their friendship. i want to be friends with someone who would never fall in love with me (and is straight... because gay guys are wonderful, but not the same). that probably sounds really funny, because i talk about wanting to find love so often. but it's true. i want that guy friend who will always be there for me, even when i'm hurting because of another guy. i want someone who will hug me when i'm sad, laugh with me when i'm having a good day, not care when my hair is a mess and i'm knee deep in murky water with waders on, and love me unconditionally, but platonically. maybe i've found it. maybe everything is going to change at the end of the week. i guess i have to wait and see.

i'm terrible at goodbyes. i've written about it before. i don't like thinking of anything as the end. to me, this isn't going to be the end.

speaking of ends, i have a little story. the tagline for the last harry potter movie, that just came out in theaters, is "it all ends." in the spirit of celebrating opening night, my facebook status read "it all ends." and a friend of mine commented and said "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

i couldn't have said it better myself.