love the one you're with.

i have always had strong reactions to multimedia - books, movies, tv shows, music. something about it makes me feel things that normal life isn't ever able to get me to feel. i'm not sure if this is a bad thing. i've never taken the time to analyze why i get so attached to fiction. but it's just something i do. i feel emotions so strong that it sometimes affects my life.

and right now, i'm pissed.

i just finished the book "love the one you're with," by emily griffin. she is the author who wrote "something borrowed" and "something blue," both of which i liked, because they put interesting spins on situations where people usually feel little sympathy. most notably, infidelity. i think this is her newest book, recently released. in any case, it made me feel angrier than i have felt in a very long time.

it's not a very hard story to explain. a woman, ellen, is recently married to a successful lawyer from a wealthy atlanta family, who also happens to be her best friend's brother. his name is andy. one day, she randomly runs into her ex, leo, with whom she had a very turbulent and intense two year relationship before she started dating andy. the book is entirely about her internal struggle to not feel like she settled when she married andy, because leo was so much more passionate than andy. or whatever. it doesn't even matter, because it fucking pissed me off.

here is what i have always believed. and, incidentally, it's the title of the book: love the one you're with. those are not the words i would have used, but it means the same thing. cheating, above anything else, makes me completely lose all respect i ever held for people. there is no excuse for cheating. and i will explain why i think this after this little sidenote.

i mentioned that emily griffin wrote in a way that made me feel something other than utter hatred for people who had committed infidelity. that still stands. however, there are so many other answers besides cheating. the person in the relationship should have ended said relationship before he started a new one. for instance.

there are so many people in the world who are without love. last summer, i was in a similar situation as ellen. i was dating someone, but probably shouldn't have been anymore. and then someone new came into my life, and i was smitten. it was a mess, needless to say. but there was no infidelity. even though i didn't want to be in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend anymore, i had enough respect for him that i could never have cheated on him. to this day, over a year after the relationship ended, i believe that what we had was perfect while we were together. i still hold a little bit of love for him in my heart. and i respect him deeply, because i knew who he was and loved him for it. my point is this: i think cheating is the most selfish act someone can commit. in my head, it is saying that you are selfish enough to take more than one person's love. you can't choose, so you can't share. maybe this only makes sense to me. but my point is simple - cheating is cowardly, and selfish, and despicable. and unforgivable.

i'm a very forgivable person. but i would have a lot of trouble even looking a cheater in the eye, let alone forgiving that person for his actions. that kind of disrespect, of hurt, cancels out love. it wouldn't matter how much love i had for that person. if he cheated on me, it would be the end. i believe that i deserve the best. i may not have found him yet, but i believe that for myself. and when i finally make a lifelong commitment with someone, that's exactly what it will be. i'd rather be alone than live with having cheated on someone.

that's my line in the sand. there's nothing else to it.

now, to be fair, i've been on the other side of it too. there was a time, not long ago, when a couple of friends of mine told me these simple words: "if you tried, you could break up his relationship." in that moment, i remember hearing a rushing sound in my ears. my feelings became instantly conflicted. i enjoyed this particular person's company, and there was a lot of harmless flirtation going on when we were together. but i had always been aware of that line in the sand. he was in a relationship, so the most we could ever be is friends. it wasn't something that ever really bothered me. i was leaving michigan soon after this anyways. but as soon as those words were spoken, things started to shift. i pictured myself with a scarlet letter. words like "whore" and "harlot" crossed my mind - and this is ridiculous, because nothing had ever happened between us. he was one of my best friends. and i couldn't imagine hurting him in any way - or his girlfriend either, who i had never met.

my point is this - i think things can stop on either side of the situation. let's be real here. i'm an idiot, and if this friend who i just mentioned is reading this, he has to agree with me. i'm not a whore. i'm not a harlot. because he was able to do the seemingly impossible - he somehow kept true to that line in the sand while maintaining our friendship as though nothing had changed, even though i emailed him one night, thinking i was changing everything. i'm an idiot, but that doesn't matter. because i'm a lovable idiot.

infidelity can always be helped. and if you're with someone and love them, don't tempt the fates. everyone deserves to be loved, so share the love! love the one you're with, and let someone else love the outliers. it's that simple. cheaters never win, and winners never cheat. it's as true in relationships as it is in sports.

"well, i'll roll with her, so she won't get hurt. here it is, i'll lay it out for you. here it is, i'm telling you the truth. hey alli, i'm falling faster all the time. hey alli, take this heart of mine. i'm in too deep. i fall to my knees. she's the girl of my dreams."

--> runner runner, "hey alli"