make a parallel line with the railroad tracks.

Part 2

Well, here's where the story gets interesting. You see, I lost my phone on Easter Sunday, somewhere between the B&B and my North Court flat. I don't know how it happened. But someone found it, and they called my friend Rose to tell her he had it. After several miscommunications, Jesse and I finally met with him (and two of his friends) in the creepy computer lab in the basement of the Hillhead central building. Gulp. I'm so glad Jesse was with me. Anyways, they kind of watched us from across the room for about 10 minutes before one of them (the guy who actually had my phone) came over to talk to us. He asked our names and all kinds of stuff before he actually gave me my phone back. And they insisted on taking a walk with us outside and tried to invite us to play table tennis with them, or go out to a club with them, or go pub hopping with them... and let me tell you, Jesse and I were not interested. They were nice people, don't get me wrong, but I'm not like that. I'm not the kind of girl that you can just pick up and I'm ok with it. No. So. Therefore, I was creeped out, and very begrudgingly gave them my email address so I could avoid giving out my phone number (although, if he was a smart person, he would have realized that he could get my number from the phone he had for 4 days). This is possibly a "to be continued" story, but Jesse and I have already warned our friend Jeff that he may need to help us out here. He has not responded yet to this warning, but we're waiting for it. Ok, now you know both parts of my recent adventures. I will try to update more often, but since I don't know yet what I'm doing for the rest of break, it's all kind of up in the air. We'll see how everything pans out. :)

runaway.

Well. I have some adventures to discuss, that's for sure. I'm going to split my adventures into two parts... part 1, the visit. and part two, the tale of the missing phone.

Part 1

My mom and my sister came to Scotland!! :):):) It was the best week of my time here so far, that's for sure! Not that I haven't been having a good time, but it has been hard for me to be so far away. And, lucky for me, I had a little piece of home come to my neck of the woods. And it was awesome! Between my mom, sister, and I, we probably took almost a thousand pictures. Here are the links to the facebook albums. Enjoy! :)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2033978&id=1282740088&l=c9e924925d

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2033986&id=1282740088&l=8ea485f7ac

This was the itinerary for the six wonderful days that they were here with me. :)

Day 1: Mom and Lauren arrived at the Aberdeen Airport, hungry and tired. And I was ready for them! I had a delicious dinner planned, and even Lauren liked it. :) But first, we stopped at the bed and breakfast that we were staying at that night to drop some things off. Then, we had a nice adventure on the bus from the city center to Hillhead. I think it was Mom's first double decker, and maybe Lauren's, but I guess I didn't ask. After dinner, I packed up my stuff for the week and we went back to the B&B. However, I wasn't quite concentrated when I was packing my things, so I, of course, forgot some stuff in my room. Of course. But we went to bed that night, and all was fine.

Day 2: First thing in the morning, after a quick and not-so-filling breakfast, I hopped back on the bus to Hillhead to retrieve the things I had forgotten. Classy, yeah? Haha. Then we hoofed it to the train station so we wouldn't be late... only to find out that the train we were planning to take to Stonehaven had been cancelled. Not to worry, there was another one an hour later. But still. Not a good start to the day. But we did get on the train, got to Stonehaven in one piece, despite gales of wind and snow and rain. We walked a bit around the town and saw the North Sea before taking a taxi up to Castle Dunnottar. Now, if I could read, I would have maybe known that the castle wasn't open during the week in the winter. Maybe, silly me, I was thinking that the last day of March was no longer considered winter. Silly, silly me. But we did get to see the magnificent views of the castle from the outside, and my mom and Lauren got to see their first set of ruins, I think. If the weather had been better, it would have been a nicer visit, I'm sure. But in any case, we took another taxi back to the B&B we were staying at in Stonehaven, and curled up in bed for a movie and a nap to warm ourselves up again. Then we went back outside for a nice dinner, and got ready for bed so that we could catch our early train to London in the morning!

Day 3: Well. Wouldn't you know it that the train we were supposed to take to London was an hour late getting to Stonehaven? It started in Aberdeen, so I don't know what could have possibly taken an hour. Regardless, we finally got on and got settled for what was supposed to be about a 7 hour ride. Well, by the time we reached London, we were running almost 3 hours behind schedule. How frustrating. So, we got off the train, and I was fairly confident that finding out hotel should be no big deal. Well, let me tell you, it was a big deal, as in a big failure. After countless sets of bad directions and one short taxi ride, we finally reached the Thistle Euston, where we would be staying for the next three days. Because of our tiring day, Mom let us order room service, and we watched some TV and then some Glee on my computer. That certainly made the night better. Yay, Glee! :)

Day 4: We set off decently early in the morning to find the City Sightseeing bus stop that would take us all around the city. That bus was perfect! The first place we stopped to get off was at Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. We couldn't go inside the Abbey because it was Good Friday, but the outside was beautiful enough. My mom and I kept repeating this phrase: "this doesn't seem real." And it didn't, but it was, because I have the pictures to prove it! Then we walked across one of the beautiful bridges over the Thames and took a ride on the London Eye! That was just gorgeous, beyond words. However, during our brief lunch break, it started to rain. So when we went to see Buckingham Palace, it was very wet, and we were very cold. It was still beautiful, though. Then, we hopped back on the sightseeing bus, much wetter than when we started out the day, and went to the Tower of London. Very cool, lots of history, right up my alley. :) And, most of the stuff we looked at was indoors, so we were able to dry off and warm up a bit, which was nice. We were there for a while, and then we took the sightseeing bus back around the loop to the stop we got on at, and then we walked to our hotel from there. We had another nice relaxing night watching Glee. I love my family. :)

Day 5: This was the epically awesome day of travelling awesomeness. Haha. Ok, it wasn't quite that awesome, but it so was. We got an early start, getting picked up at our hotel before 8 am by the Evan Evans tour bus. Then we departed for Windsor Castle, our first stop of the day. The coolest part about this place? The queen still lives and entertains there. So we got to see some of the rooms that actually get used still! And I had a little mishap where I accidentally stole a book from a store... but they didn't notice, and I went back to pay for it. Haha. Then, we got back on the bus and headed to the city of Bath. Gorgeous, and the Roman baths were awesome too! So we wandered through there, and then got back on the bus again for... wait for it... Stonehenge! It was epic! Actually, it wasn't quite as cool as I thought it would be, but I'm still glad I saw it. It's one of those things that you just have to see, you know. :) Then we got back on the bus for the last time and headed back to London. Mom, Lauren and I had our own little adventure in search of the Hard Rock Cafe. The one in London is the original! So, of course I had to get something for that boyfriend of mine. :) He'll like it. Anyways, we waited two hours to eat, but it was worth it. I mean, the food isn't great there, but it was fun to be there with Mom and Lauren. And that's all that matters. Then, when we finally got back to the room, we decided to put a movie in at around midnight. Late, yes, I'm aware. But we were all wide awake, and Mom had never seen The Other Boleyn Girl. And I mean, we were in London, and she didn't know the story! Crazy!

Day 6: This was our last day in London, and we were super relaxed in the morning. We just hung out in the morning, and then caught the train back to Aberdeen in the afternoon. But once we got back to Aberdeen was when the second part of my story really takes place. More on that later. We shot up to Hillhead so Mom and Lauren could get their stuff together, and spent the night at the same B&B we were at on the first night. And then, the next morning, Mom and Lauren boarded a plane and headed back home. :( I was very sad to see them go, but I have so many memories now with them, here, in this beautiful place. I miss them already.

Well, this blog post was too long already, so I'm going to save part 2 until later tonight or tomorrow. It's exciting, so be ready! Haha. Until next time, live long and prosper. (Oh, yeah, I watched Star Trek with Rose today... haha.)

P.S. My font is not cooperating, so sorry it's weird...

you make me crazier, crazier.

Well.

First, I want to note that I was having a rough day last Thursday. There was something about it... I woke up in the morning, and I just knew it was going to be one of those emotional days. It certainly didn't help that after I finally stopped crying and went to my chem lab that I realized my professor is quite the asshole. Sorry, pardon my... colorful language. But for real... he's a big jerk. Boo.

So. Updates. Well, I never really mentioned Dublin in my last post, but yes, we were in Dublin two weekends ago now. It was great! But we definitely weren't there long enough, and if I were to go back, I would want to be with Justin. I've noticed that cities especially bring that feeling out. There's something about the hustle and bustle that makes me want to just get lost, and there's no one I'd rather get lost with than him. The nature and hiking stuff isn't his style anyways, and those are the trips that I really appreciate when I'm here, in this beautiful place. Because I know that if I ever came back here and Justin was with me, we wouldn't go on those kinds of adventures, unless he wants to put himself through major surgery. Which he doesn't. So. Anyways. DUBLIN! We saw Trinity College, which was awesome, and then rode the red double decker tour bus around the city. I loved it, and I will go back someday. I will.

This past weekend, I went on a completely different kind of adventure. Jesse and I (fairly spontaneously, I might add) signed up to go with the International Society to a place in northern Scotland called Carbisdale Castle. It's haunted, and it was a lot of fun (not the haunted part, but... yeah, you get it). First, we went to Culloden Battlefield, which was really interesting. It was the battle when the Jacobites lost to the British government in 1746 that ended the Jacobite uprising of the year before. And it was after this battle that Bonny Prince Charlie fled Scotland for France dressed as a woman. Gotta love history, right? Ha. But yeah, that was very interesting. And Jesse and I made a new friend (well sort of, we both already knew him from classes), and Jeff was able to keep the peace between us this weekend. Tensions always seem to run a little high when we only see each other for the entire weekend, but it was all good this time. Then we went to Inverness for a couple of hours, and then headed to the castle, which is now a youth hostel. And man, once the sun went down and the lights turned off, it was a creep-fest. Yikes, no thank you. I didn't like it. But by day, the castle is beautiful, and I took lots of pictures of the interior. Then, on Sunday morning, we took a scenic bus trip (read: long) to Loch Muick, which is in Aberdeenshire... somewhere. I don't really know. Then we embarked on a 12 kilometer walk around the loch. Amazing scenery, that's for sure. And then we headed home in time to make dinner. Ha. See facebook for pictures, please. The album for Dublin is called "i'm a little irish, where's my luck?" and the album for Carbisdale is called "don't do me like that." Thank you Justin for the Tom Petty songs that repeatedly get stuck in my head. :)

As for everything else... I'm trying to take it one day at a time. I haven't quite reached the halfway point yet, but spring break is just around the corner, and my mom and sister will be arriving in one week. I'm pumped! We're going to London, and I can't wait! I finally get to show somebody from home all that I am experiencing here, and I just can't wait. I think part of the reason I have been so emotional lately is that Justin is on his spring break this week, and he's in Nashville interviewing for internships... and I'm not there to support him. I'm trying so hard to do it from here, but it's not the same. He was there when I went through all of my internship stuff, and I can't even return the favor. But I'm trying. And when all of this is over, and we both are in our respective cities for the summer, we'll see that it all makes sense. There's reason to every form of chaos, in every unknown, and we just have to push through it. As Justin repeatedly tells me, we will get through this, and we'll be ok. I'll be ok. :)

maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.

Well, it's been another week and a half since I wrote. Where does the time go? That's a funny statement, actually, because it feels to me that the time is dragging on and on... and yet when I look at the calendar and see that we are over halfway through March, I think, what happened to this month? Where did it go? It's very conflicted thinking, but I have been having a lot of conflicted feelings in the time I have been in Scotland, so this shouldn't be anything new.

When I talk to people now who I talked to when I first got here, they all say that are glad that I'm doing better, that I'm spreading my wings, whatever. I don't feel like I'm doing better at anything except hiding the part of me that wants to cry at any instant, the part of me that breaks down and utters those five miserable words that people on study abroad in a beautiful place should never say: "I want to go home." I have only allowed myself to say those words to one person, because he's the only one who can really make me believe that I'll be happy I stayed once this semester is over. He says he's proud of me, but I don't know why. I haven't done anything worthy of those words except leave, but the entire time I've been gone, I've only been thinking about going back home. Since the time I set foot on this campus, I've been counting down the days until I leave. It can't possibly be normal. My friend Ella was here last semester, and before I came, all she could tell me was what a great time I was going to have, and that I wouldn't want to leave at the end. That's what everyone told me before I left, so why is it not happening for me? Are the ties I have to the people I left behind stronger than everyone else's? Or am I just... different? Either way, it's not normal. I'm not normal.

Don't get me wrong, I've been doing pretty well at pretending. I go to the pubs with everyone else, I laugh, I go on trips and make memories for my adventure book. But it's all an act, and sometimes I'm not sure how convincing I am. I want to have fond memories of this place, which is why I have been taking pictures and keeping knick knacks, things that have meaning to me that I can paste on a blank page when I get home. But all I can think about is what I'm missing. When I lay down at night and I realize that I can't imagine the feel of Justin's arms around me anymore, and then I think harder and realize that I haven't been hugged, really hugged, since I left the Minneapolis airport. I want to be strong, and I try to be strong, but sometimes it just doesn't work. The hardest part is, I can't talk to anyone about this, because no one here left their other half behind. I mean, Jesse is about as close as it comes, but in all honesty, I rarely am able to get anything out before she turns the conversation on herself. I've been good at letting it go, but it hurts. My mom and my sister come in less than two weeks, and I am so ready to see familiar faces, and to cry on someone's shoulder instead of in secret in my room. This has been the hardest semester of my life. Even with the inner calm that came with Justin's plan, there is still turmoil in my life. It may seem petty, but sometimes it's overcoming. Today especially, has been like a wave. The water has been building, and it's just waiting for me to wade in too far so it can crash down on me. I mean, I know how to swim, I'll be all right. But that initial crash, when you are pulled under by the water and are no longer sure which way is up, and for a terrifying second or two, you're not sure you'll have enough air? That's the hard part. The relief doesn't come until you break the surface again, and you see that you weren't all that far away from the shore at all. Safety is in your sights. I just have to get there.

she grew up good, she grew up slow. like american honey.

Well, here it's been two weeks again, and I am again having a severe case of writer's block. I will go back to my preferred method of blogging... a list of things. Things that have happened, things that are going to happen, things that may never happen... just things.

1. Jesse and I went to Glasgow for the weekend over the last weekend of February. It was great; we did a lot of sightseeing and were very tourist-y. We saw Glasgow Cathedral and the Necropolis, St. Mungo's Museum of Religious Life and Art, and the People's Palace and Winter Gardens. We went to an opera (La Boheme, so worth it) and a movie, ate when we were hungry and stopped when we were tired. It was nice; we didn't have a plan, just a list of things that sounded cool, and we hit them up as we got to them. That's the way to travel.

2. My external hard drive died. Well, died isn't the right word, but essentially, it died. It decided that it wasn't formatted, and I have yet to find a way to move my stuff off of it. But I'm working on that. It's all still there, that's all that matters right now.

3. Jesse and I moved. Adam Smith House, and dorm we were living in, has been undergoing construction, and it was noisy and annoying and inconvenient. Since I had been wishing since I got here that I had not decided to be on a meal plan, this is great for me. My flatmates are wonderful, and it has probably been the best choice that I've made so far since I've been here. Now that my walls are decorated with my pictures and quotes again, I feel at home.

4. I have been planning my mom and sister's vacation! Haha, it sounds like I've taken over, but my mom asked me to do it. And it's going to be awesome! We are staying in Aberdeen on the first and last night that they are going to be here. We'll be in Stonehaven for a night (so they can see Castle Dunnottar) and in London for 3 nights. I am beyond excited. :)

5. I have been emailing grad schools, and though I thought I might have to, I am not going to take organic chemistry for a second time. I know in my heart with everything that I have that I could get a much better grade in it the second time around, but my adviser advised me that it wouldn't be worth my time. If I can't get into grad school with the grades that I have, then I can retake it after I graduate and try again the next year. That would suck, but it will all work out. Whatever is meant to be will be.

6. We found a favorite pub! It's called Slain's Castle, and it looks like... a castle. Ha. But they have a cocktail for each of the 7 deadly sins, and they are all delicious. Sinfully delicious... pun intended.

7. We are going to DUBLIN on Friday!!! I am so excited!! I'll have to wear everything green that I own! Haha, ok I'm kidding about the last part, but yes, I'm pumped. :)

8. There is a plan. I've been talking and thinking about God's plan for me since I've been here, but it's not His plan that I'm talking about. It's Justin's. I don't know what the plan is, but he has one. A plan for us, for our future. And to think I doubted him. He said it goes as far out as after I'm done with grad school. I knew there was a plan for me somewhere, I was just looking in the wrong place. God has a plan too, don't get me wrong. But I think his plan, or at least part of it, was leading me to Justin.

Well, if my hard drive hadn't died, I'd put up some pictures of Glasgow. But for now, if you want to see pictures, visit my facebook: www.facebook.com/amandamarieg. I'll have less writer's block after Dublin, hopefully. :)

i never used to know the sun would shine after the rain.

I am currently having trouble finding inspiration, and I don't know what to write. Last night was an interesting night, with interesting in this case being a synonym for fairly awful. It was hard to wake up this morning and have hope that everything was truly going to be ok. It sounds extreme, but another thing that I have learned about myself since I have been here is that even the smallest annoyance or problem easily escalates to a crisis in my mind. I am so far from home and from everything comforting that I panic at the slightest issue. There was no wireless on campus yesterday afternoon and evening, and then my keys got locked into my friend's room. Not a crisis, clearly. But all of my forms of communication were gone, and I panicked. Don't worry, there were two open computers in the computer lab, so Jesse and I were able to communicate with the people at home to let them know that we were unable to communicate with them. Haha.

In my quest for inspiration, I will elaborate on my weekend. We adventured to Loch Ness on Saturday! It was a good time, and again, can only be described by a picture:

The hills surrounding the loch were covered in snow, and the water was the deepest shade of blue, to the point of almost being black. It is a sight that I never really thought I would get the chance to see; something that is such a part of fantasy that I never believed I would have the opportunity to take part in the beauty. After riding the ferry boat on the lake (which is when this picture was taken), we were dropped off in front of Urquhart Castle:

What I distinctly remember about the three weeks that I was here as an 8th grader was that we went to too many castles. I didn't appreciate the experience at all, and that makes me sad, because there isn't much chance that I'm going to be able to see those places again. You may be thinking, looking at these pictures, that it was just a pile of ruins, nothing to see. But it was amazing. And each castle has a different character... it's like, if you meet two people with the same name, you don't immediately dismiss the second one because you already know someone with that name. Which is good for me, because there are a lot of Amanda's in this world. Haha. But we are planning on seeing another castle in a couple of weeks, and I am excited! This one is Glamis, the supposed setting of Macbeth. And if you know me, you know that I'm a bit of a Shakespeare fan. Not quite as nutty as the girl in 10 Things I Hate About You, but still, a fan. So anyway, I'm excited to see another variety of castle, to see another personality that is completely different from the two that I've already seen.

As I still am lacking the words to say exactly what I'm feeling, I am going to end this post with this beautiful picture of a river as the sun sets:

What I love about this picture is that you cannot tell where I was standing when I took it. I was in a parking lot, as there were three buses running and spitting diesel-y exhaust into the fresh air, waiting for us to come aboard so we could begin the trip back to Aberdeen. The perfect picture, captured where no one would have expected.

"My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you. I've been running round in circles in my mind. And it always feels like I'm following you, because you take me to the places that, alone, I'd never find. And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight. You're a candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night. And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might. And I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for. It's time to bring this ship into the shore... because baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore."

-->REO Speedwagon/Finn Hudson (from "Glee," of course!), "Can't Fight This Feeling"

if you wanna rock, i'm ready to roll.

Almost two weeks have passed since the last time I updated... Sorry about that. Time truly does fly here, which is something that I did not expect. As the countdown of the days until I see Justin again ticks by, I am trying to capture everything that I can on my camera. My adventure book is going to be huge. Good thing there's an awesome scrapbooking store in the Mall of America. That will have to be one of my stops in my short time at home between this adventure and my next one: NCIS internship. Man, time flies.

One thing of significance that happened in this time was that I celebrated my 21st birthday. A shout out to Kelsey and Mary for taking me out to lunch for the most delicious macaroni pie ever at the Auld Toon Cafe, and to Rose and Jesse for buying me a cute little cake. You all, along with my family (who I got to talk to on the phone!) and Justin (who I got to have a special Skype date with!) made my birthday very special, and I really appreciate it. Thank you. And also, thanks Mom and Dad, Dee and Mike, and Grandma for sending me cards. Getting mail is a very rare and much appreciated event here. :)

The other event of significance that occurred in my blogging lapse can only be described by a picture:
This is Castle Dunnottar, and it was the most magnificent thing I have ever seen. The hike out to see it was something else, and although we did not have the time to go inside (or rather, we were late, and were not allowed inside), it was still the most awe-inspiring experience so far. That structure is older than the country I was born and raised in. That structure, that overlooks the North Sea and the town of Stonehaven has more history in itself than the place I call home. It's so incredible, and it's hard to think about. And the beauty of it cannot be described by either words or pictures.

Hopefully there will be more pictures to come, as we are adventuring out to Inverness and Loch Ness this weekend. I fully intend to find the monster, by the way. And yes, I will be a complete and total tourist. Beware, Scotland. :)

It amazes me that I can continue to learn about myself, more each day. Before I left, I really thought I had me all figured out. But things here are so different that I am truly learning how I react to unknown situations. I have already figured out that Lady Antebellum is my calming music, Glee is my motivating music, and Daughtry is my let-out-my-frustration-by-walking-really-fast music. Everything else falls in between. I've learned the exhaustion leads to tears, and that I can truly get by only hearing Justin's voice once a week. I've learned that I was really out of shape at Hope, and that I can walk upwards of 15 miles in a day and still somehow be able to put one foot in front of the other. I've learned that I am completely dependent on the clock, and that the disorganization of this place drives me completely up the wall. Most importantly, I've learned that technology is the most beautiful thing. Who would have thought that there would be a time when a person could be across an ocean, and yet their family could track their movements and adventures on a computer screen? It's incredible, and even though technology is not my forte, I am definitely grateful for it.

Something else that I have learned here: I need my faith. I could never begin to guess what God's plan is for me, and I have never really considered that He has one. That was always one of the many issues that I have had with faith and religion: I wanted to make my own way. I didn't want to take a backseat to my own life. But in times like these, when I feel so lost, but yet so internally calm, I have to wonder... what does he have in mind for my life? So many things have happened that have made me believe that I was pushed in a certain direction by a force that was out of my control: taking personal finance in high school, choosing Hope, taking an RA position sophomore year, going into an apartment with girls I hardly knew, going to Scotland by myself. There is some sort of plan for me, and I need to acknowledge the presence that is all around me. Don't get me wrong, I still have my issues with organized religion. But I know what I believe, and even in the midst of all of this confusion in my life, I feel this immense serenity. It's peaceful, and it allows me to go on with my everyday life. I believe that everything will work out when I go back home. My life has a purpose, and I don't need to know what it is just now. That can wait, and I'll just enjoy the ride.

"You gotta live and learn. You gotta crash and burn. You gotta make some stances and take some chances. You gotta laugh and love and take all life has to give. You gotta live and learn, so you can learn to live."
-->Darius Rucker, "Learn to Live"