these things will change...

Well, I've been living in a single room at Hope for the last two days without a job, and I'm getting bored. I have already almost completely finished my program application for study abroad, and it's only been... two days. Yikes. I need a job. But most places aren't going to start hiring until at least after Tulip Time, because there just hasn't been time to look at the applications. I understand, I really do, but still. I'm a good worker, I just don't understand why no one will hire me. Yeah, I know the economy is bad, but still... I just need an income of some kind. That's all. Urgh.

In other news, I finally heard about study abroad... I am officially approved to study off-campus for the spring 2010 semester. It's coming faster than you think, really. I only have one more normal semester at Hope until my senior year. Wow. That's intense. So, I am currently in the process of applying to go to the University of Aberdeen with the Scotland Program, through Wabash College in Indiana. I have most of it done, but I still need teacher recommendations and to polish up my essay. Not that I don't have any time on my hands...

Other than that, the job hunt is still on. I have applied to five downtown restaurants and a bookstore, and so far have only heard back from one of them... and it wasn't positive. Treehouse Books, my dream job of working in a little bookstore, is no longer hiring for the summer. Fiddlesticks. I also just picked up an application to a clothing store downtown, so that could lead to good things as well. Now it's just time to wait. My parents were here at the beginning of the week, and they brought me my bike, in order to make transportation easier. Except... the first night that it was outside, my seat got stolen. Seriously, who does that? So I went downtown this morning and used some of my precious book buyback money to buy a new bike seat and post, and I will no longer be locking it outside overnight. People just ruin everything, and they make this world a scary place. But the people at the bike shop were nice, so that was a plus.

Well, I should try to do something with my life. I have another application to fill out and a book to read. Oh, the joy.

Later
When the sun goes down, I start to doubt myself. It's easy to put on a face, to put on a front in front of everyone else, but as soon as I'm alone, I fall apart. I am beginning to wish that I had gone home for the summer. Because, as much as I was telling everyone it wasn't true, a big reason that I wanted to stay so badly was to see Justin. But now that he's in classes, it's hardly any different than us being apart. For example, I left him alone for seven hours this evening, and he barely finished his homework. This isn't what I thought summer would be like at all. During the day, when I'm feeling particularly optimistic, I can tell myself that it's still early, that there's still time for it to turn around. But I don't know if I believe it, as much as I want to. Something has to happen soon, or I'm going to break. We will see what tomorrow brings.