It's funny, because I have been thinking of him all morning. Not in the way that makes me sad, but in a way that makes me smile. I had to go to the dentist for a couple of fillings, and they handed me an ipod to listen to. After searching the thing, the only thing that I found to listen to that was familiar was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Which happens to be one of his favorites. Honestly, I wouldn't know a single song besides "Free Fallin'" if it wasn't for him. But I knew every one, and I tapped my fingers and tried to tune out the sounds of the dentist. I was thinking about texting him and telling him about the nostalgia, but now I won't. Leave it to facebook to keep me in line.
I have been doing some more background reading for my novel class. I just finished reading the 16 archetypes for main characters of stories. I found me, but I also found him. I think that fact hurts the most.
I am Demeter, the nurturer. "Her identity is wrapped up in her children, or in those she cares for. She has a tendency to put others ahead of herself--a martyr of sorts--but no one comes before the one in her care. She sometimes lives on eggshells, making sure everyone else is happy before she examines how she feels. She tends to take on many tasks at once, trying to please so many people, overwhelming herself. As a villain, she's the master of inflicting guilt upon others." I have embodied that person, that character for my entire life. I am a people-pleaser, and I'm tired of it. It sucks, but it took him getting over me so quickly to find myself.
He is Hades, the recluse. "If he finds the right woman he can have a small family life and enjoy some companionship, but the entire relationship is up to her. He has no skill in that department and may be distant for days at a time. He's not comfortable around people, especially large groups. He cares about his hobbies and projects, often spending hours and hours on one small task. He's afraid of his own emotions and seems very bland, without personality at times. He's afraid of people forcing themselves into his life. He needs to learn that human companionship has its own rewards and can enrich his life as much as his inner worlds do. As a villain, he's out for his own personal gain and understands nothing of the effect his actions have on the outer world. He likes it when others are afraid of him so they'll leave him alone." This... this has helped me understand him. I know what he wants now. I know what I would have to do to keep him if I ever got him back. I don't think I will... he seems decently happy in the pictures I saw. But now I know. I know everything: why he hates that I bother him, why I always seemed to be asking so much of him, why he would just disappear sometimes into himself. Why my parents didn't like that the relationship seemed one-sided.
He's a recluse. He's Hades. And in Greek mythology, Demeter and Hades did not get along. In fact, Hades kidnapped Demeter's daughter Persephone and kept her as his wife. Demeter spent the entire rest of her life looking for Persephone.
I need to focus on myself. I need to get ready for my interview for grad school. I need to forget him so that I can move on.
In another story, though, a nurturer and a recluse were happy together. Belle was a nurturer, and the Beast was a recluse. They had to fight for it, but they were happy together.
I just want to be happy with someone, and as much as I hate it, I know I'm just going to have to wait and see. Since the day started with this, I'll leave you with some Tom Petty.
"The waiting is the hardest part. Everyday you see one more card. You take it on faith, you take it to the heart. The waiting is the hardest part."
--> "The Waiting"
"She's gonna listen to her heart. It's gonna tell her what to do. She might need a lot of loving, but she don't need you."
--> "Listen to Her Heart"
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