Day 33: in between the lines, there's a lot of obscurity.

The last several days have been interesting, to say the least.

I have intentionally seen him 3 times in the last 4 days. And it has been ok.

He has said some hurtful things, but they have been honest, so I'm glad they were said. And while they have made me a little sad, I can see where he's coming from. A couple of the things he said have been bothering me a little bit, but nothing major. Nothing that won't fade with time. For example, he said he didn't care if I started dating. I don't know that he meant it as forcefully as it came out, but it made me feel like maybe our relationship really didn't mean anything to him. I know it's not true, and I shouldn't be saying it, but that's how I feel.

Anyways, there is only one thing that he has said that I have forcefully disagreed with.

He said today that there is still all of this tension between us, and that's probably why things have been a little awkward. Tension and frustration, he said. That's not how I feel when I'm next to him. I am not frustrated, I'm not tense about it, I don't feel awkward.

All I feel is electricity. I feel like, if I got close enough, a spark would fly from me to him, and we would ignite. Then a fire would start, and we would be consumed again. And as much as I have been wanting that for a long time, I know it can't happen. At least not right now.

I'm pretty sure that's what he's feeling too. Honestly, I even have a good idea that he knows what it is and is kidding himself that it's just tension.

"Oh, I'm scared to see the ending. Why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you, but I don't know how. I've never heard silence quite this loud."

--> Taylor Swift, "The Story of Us"