Day 15: the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

Word of the day: Irony.

It's ironic to me that not 20 minutes after I published the last post, insinuating hope for this situation, I got a hell of a bomb dropped on me.

So, I have this friend who is going to remain unnamed for my own safety. She broke up with a guy (who is also going to remain unnamed) back in February for reasons largely unknown, except that she couldn't deal with being abroad while he was here. Ok. That's fine, it should be over by now. I mean... It's November now. That was 9 months ago. Anyways. I digress.

She has gone completely bat-shit crazy. She's passive-aggressive with him, and she thinks she should have a say in what he does when she freely gave up that right a long time ago. There is so much more, but the moral of the story is that she's gone bat-shit.

And he (not her ex, but mine) is comparing me to her. I about lost it.

I'M NOT CRAZY. MY MOTHER HAD ME TESTED. (Name that show!)

But seriously, I have done everything in my power to appear as normal as possible. I'm trying to move on with my life, but I truly am still captivated by him, and I do still love him. And last night I dreamed about our wedding. Yeah, that sucked.

I don't know what he wants from me. I'm trying to do what he's asking, but then he goes below the belt and says something like that.

And then! On top of that, he brought up the one singular big mistake that I made, and he won't let it go. I've apologized, I've taken all the blame, I've done everything in my power to ease the pain. But he still can't let it go. FORGIVE ME! I forgave him for all of the shit in his past, even though he never told me about any of it when he should have. We talked about it and worked through it. But he refuses, flat out, to talk to me about any of this. He says he has nothing to say, or doesn't know what to say. Bullshit. If he's still this mad, then he knows exactly what to say, and he definitely has something to say. I'm so angry. I can hardly contain the urge to walk over there and confront him as he answers the door. I know that I would need to be calm if I was to talk to him about it, but the longer I sit on this information, the more mad I get.

I literally hate my life. Why do I have to love someone who treats me like shit when I don't deserve it? Why can't we work through this, like normal, mature adults?

And my headache rages on...