Set aside all of the crazy that I have been talking about for the last several months. What started all of this? What was the cause of all of the problems between him and I?
Grad school, and all of my anxiety surrounding it.
And now, here I am, almost 5 months later, and what do I have to show for all of it? Nothing.
My first two grad school applications are due on Wednesday. That's two days from now. And two out of three of my recommendation letters still aren't in. I have been ready for this process to get underway for such a long time, but I always have to wait around. No one can keep up with me.
It makes me wonder what the plan is for my life. I have ranted and raved about my slowly disappearing belief in anything, but until recently, one thing never wavered. I have always thought that there was an overall plan that I was just working toward. And if I got too off-track, I would be guided back. But now that everyone else seems to be gambling on my future, I'm not so sure. What am I supposed to believe? How the hell can I keep the faith when nothing ever goes my way? And why does no one want me to leave?
All of this led me to Jason Aldean. He used to just be my guilty pleasure, but now I've fallen completely in love with his music. He's the redneck, the south, the country in me that I've always wanted to express. And I'm going to leave you with him, as proof.
"Here, it sometimes feels just like this world revolves around whiskey or the Bible, shot glass or revival. When you don't seem to run on either side of the fence, people act like you don't make sense. These big town dreams that I've been chasing will never come true if I wind up staying. And I don't want to fall in the same rut that everybody seems to get stuck in now. Why do I hang around in this church pew or bar stool kind of town. I need to get out of this church pew or bar stool kind of town."
--> Jason Aldean, "Church Pew or Bar Stool"
1 comment:
hey, how did the turning-in-applications thing go? you can do it! i'm not going to grad school, so since i'm not doing the whole personal statement/massive essay/application of doom thing, i've made myself available to read over or edit those kinds of things, if that would help at all. :)
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